Weirded Out

So, this guy I went out with is off the market now. He has his first girlfriend... Yes girlfriend. I'm not sure what he's doing but I think this could be a huge test for himself. I have no problems with people trying things out and I even encourage it, but I will be upset with him if he hurts this girl by leading her on and pretending to be something he's not. I do have to say that I'm a bit disappointed he chose now to try this out, but It also make perfect sense that as a young man in a private Christian institution he would get scared by the idea of feelings for another guy. I know it has been hard for him to deal with it because of his background and even when we were out together he talked about not being sure about his feelings, was he gay, was he bi, he knew he's not straight. Now comes the part where I play the supportive friend role. Do I tell him my concerns about hurting the girl, do I sit back and wait to see how it happens? Any Advice? Let me say the things I know for a fact, that have come from his mouth.

1. He is Emotionally attracted to her but not sure about the physical.

2. He doesn't want to put a sexual orientation label on himself.

3. He's scared about the homosexual feelings he has had.

I know that I have a bit of a bias when it comes to this because I like him, but I would appreciate any advice I can get.

First Date

Well, I did it. I went on my first official date with another guy. It was weird and scary and I'm glad the first is over. We went to see a play at a local high school that some of my friends were in. The school is in a rather small town and I'm pretty sure that we are the talk of the town as the two gay guys that were holding hands during the show. We went with my good mormon friend so it must have looked REALLY weird. Well, I really don't have a lot of time right now so let me end with thins. Kissing is really fun.

Uppers

So I was looking around my blog, reading the comments (Which I love getting) and thought... "I'm happy right now, I don't have anything to write about." but then it dawned on me, maybe some of the nice cyber people out there would like to know I'm doing pretty good. I need to take my pill today but I've been good about remembering and I can tell there are working. School is still a huge stress in my life right now but it only last another three or four weeks and then break time. I'm gonna take a lighter load next term.

I was talking to a good friend on Friday night about how Thanksgiving thru Christmas is a hard time of year for me because of the events that took place this time of year last year. It's nice to be able to say, "I'm having a difficult time and I can use your support." It was also nice to have her tell me that she has baggage from this time of year and know that I can be there for her when she needs it.

I think my big problem now is that I'm kind of crushing on this guy I haven't seen in over a year, but have recently been in brief contact with. I would like to get together but I don't know what he would want or expect. ( our last encounter was interesting to say the least). I kind of want to just say , Hey, wanna go out sometime? But I'd really would like to see him and I don't want to scare him off. Then of course I have my celebrity crushes, I don't see those as a possibility however, but honestly Jim Verraros from season 1 of American Idol... So hot.

well that's me right now, be back again later.

I'm just plain tired

Do you ever have people that you are super close to that for some reason or another you find your self pushing away or just not perusing any longer? I have found myself doing that lately. I'm just kind of secluding myself whenever possible. Then when I do spend time with certain people I find that I really don't want to be around them.

I'm tired of school. I like going to school here but it's so damn far away from where I want to be. I want to have more opportunities for shows to audition for but being an hour and a half from most theaters is making that kind of hard. I want to transfer but at the same time I really like the people I'm interacting with here. I don't know. Sometimes I think I would be better off just picking up everything and moving to NYC to go for it now. Honestly if I were in a place of financial stability I would just pick up and go. Maybe I would finally meet someone special that will love for me and not try to make me someone else, or worse, lead me on until they got everything they wanted out of me and then drop me. I'm not bitter.

Do you ever wonder why people that don't seem to deserve good things get them but those of us that try really hard to be a good person and do nice things for others seemed to get crapped on?

1st post

So, I'm not very good at this blogging thing but maybe I'll get better and with this being semi anonymous it may help me to be able to really delve into my mind and write what I'm going through.

Lets start with some basics, I'm a 22 year old (Soon to be 23) student. I love theater in all forms, acting, directing, tech work. It doesn't matter. That being said I am gay and dealing with it. I have a semi supportive family who knows and some incredible supportive friends. My biggest problem is that having been brought up in a Christian home it is hard to deal with. I've been spending the last week getting back on my depression Medicine because stupid me, I started to feel leveled out and stopped taking them.

School is really stressing me out. I'm just not motivated to be here. I like my classes and am really busy outside of class so my homework isn't finding it's self accomplished and I really don't care. Here I am typing away when I should be working on project for a class. I don't want to fail but I'm feeling trapped in a world, a place I don't want to be in. I have student loans that have to get paid back and if I'm I school I don't have to start paying them but at the same time I'm just racking up more.

Last year at this time I had a almost complete physical and emotional breakdown because I could see my life just slipping away and I feel like I'm headed back in the same duration. I don't have all the same outside forces like best friends abandoning me this time so I might not completely lose it again but I'm definitely headed in a direction that scares me. I like to be in control and when I get like this I' m not in control.

Wow being able to just spot this out has helped a little. I don't have to worry about people thinking less of me for saying it because people don't know who I am.