Scary and Damaged
I want someone to love me! I completely understand why I'm alone. I mean nobody wants someone who is scary and damaged. The thing is... we are all scary and damaged, aren't we? Doesn't everyone have a past that affects how they approach a relationship or even just a friendship? I know that I have issues, but how can I recover from them if I don't have someone to help? I want to help someone through their stuff too. I want to need someone so much that if they died I would too from a broken heart. I want to find that one person who makes me complete. But what if there isn't anyone? What if I'm destined to be alone forever? I don't know if I could take that. When ever I picture the future there is always a faceless person there, just waiting to be assigned an identity, but what if all my thoughts and hopes and dreams are for naught? I don't know if I would want to have a life if it is going to be spent alone. I know much less deserving people than me who have great relationships. I would be royally pissed if these shitty people were destined to be in a loving happy relationship while I'm not, unless, I'm not that deserving to begin with. I realized the other day, I like to flirt. Boys, girls it doesn't matter I'm a flirt, even when I don't want to be. Take the recent guy in my life. I don't want a relationship with him. I know that I just talked about wanting to see him again a few posts ago but I really don't anymore. But he came over the other day. I could tell he wanted to mess around, but I didn't. So I just let him stand there and talk for a bit. I wanted him to leave, but as I was talking to him I noticed that I was flirting. I was leading him on! I hate that! I don't want to be known as a tease. I saw him later that night and he followed me everywhere. I lost him eventually, and felt sort of bad about it, but I didn't want to lead him on. The truth is after messing around with him I really didn't want to see him again. He is now associated with things I don't want to think about.
posted by Seth R at 12:44 AM
3 Comments:
OK, messing with the guy, then leading him on, then ditching him -- not so good. If I were the other guy, it would piss me off, and I'd bad-mouth you to my friends. What do you believe's causing that behavior? Think about it.
Try to imagine what it would be like if you completely stopped being concerned about being alone, seeing undeserving guys get relationships instead of you, and being "not that deserving to begin with."
A secret to not being alone is simply being around other gay guys -- at parties, at church, at gatherings of social groups, or even at the bars. That's how you're likely to meet someone who's a good match for you.
And it's likely to be a meeting of someone you just find nice to talk to -- rather than a meeting in which you're hunting or a husband.
Think of simply enjoying other guys' company, and really getting to know them -- and enjoy that time together without worrying about whether anything will result in a relationship. If one springs up, great.
The same with dating. Don't assume you're moving in together after the second date. Assume the opposite. Again, just enjoy the other guy's company.
Just let dating/friend-making/relationships/life evolve -- and have fun along the way.
I agree with Dave. When I meet new people, especially guys I sense they may be gay, I just talk to them and create a friendship. Nothing serious, just talk, eat out, help with college assignments, stuff like that.
Everytime I looked around for people, I wanted a serious relationship. I would always imagine the guy as a perfect boyfriend. In the end, I felt I made a mistake because I had no one to talk to.
Follow Dave's advise but it will take commitment from you. It will not be easy.
Also, try to be honest with people. If you would have told the guy something polite but honest, it would have cleared your guilt and was reasonable for you to runaway from the guy.
--i'll be around.
Hello,
I think you do not have to wait or thinking about if you will be alone in this life! You must try to think in good things and find people able to talk about everything and maybe try to understand yourself better... I passed something similar in my life, I had the same questions.. but wasn't true that I meant to be alone...
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