WOW! Life has been busy latley. I'm in the middle of performing a show and it is going well. I'm having a lot of fun and have made some great friends. The thing is, I'm becoming very confused about some things and figured that I could post here and get feedback if anyone still reads this blog.
So, There is a guy in the cast whom I have become very close to, I love him more than words can say. He and his sister who is also in the cast have become like family to me. They both know about my being gay and are cool with it, actually I'm not the only gay guy in the cast and we are all so loved and acceoted here it is amazing. I love these people. So here is the deal with this guy who we will call Peter.
We had a party at his house last night and had a ton of fun, there was a lot of alcohol and music, I had my limit of one drink since I didn't know how long I was going to stay and I was driving but some people Peter included has a lot more. So as I'm sitting on a couch with a friend I look over to Peter dancing with this girl who anoth friend of ours has a BIG thing for. Peter has given him advice and such and here he is dancing with her, I'm talking pelvic thrusting legs wrap around straddling dancing, OH YEAH, also beyond drunk. So I see this and all kinds of emotions start going.
1. I personally don't want to dance like that unless I'm in a relationship with this person, and It was weird and uncomfortable to see my friends doing that.
2. I was scared of how much further it could go and then what would the reprucussions be if the other friend found out about it.
3. I think I felt a bit jelouse that I didn't have someone to do that with and kind of wanted that someone to be Peter.
So before anything else could happen between the two of them She got sick and puked and left the party, ONE CRISIS AVERTED. But what about this tinge of jelousy I had inside of me. I mean Peter is straight and I don't want to have sex with him or anything. I wouldn't persue a relationship with him even if he was gay because I care about him so much I don't want to risk our relationship. I love him. Maybe it is just going to take getting used to the fact that no matter how close we may be and how much we may love each other I will always be at risk of being put into the number two position by a girl.
